~ God told me to be an artist, week 50.
Friday 8th December, 2023.
A much colder hello from me, back from last week's Miami dream. I can confirm the jet lag is REAL and I am definitely not feeling back to normal, but that is small price to pay for such an incredible experience.
As I mentioned in my post last week I was in Miami for the Be Still Media arts festival and it was something that impacted me right down to my bones. I'm talking inspiration to the core fantastic!
Now you may say, well duh - which artists wouldn't want to go to Miami, spend time with other creatives and talk about art 24/7? Of course you had a blast! And you would be right, this sounds like the kind of experience that would have a positive impact on pretty much anyone.
And it was for sure dreamy.
But I went in with a certain anticipation for some specific revelation in areas of my work and practice and interestingly these weren't the places I felt were touched by this experience at all.
Essentially I have been seeking inspiration for my next exhibition and hoped lightning would strike whilst I was away, but something rather different happened.
I found that I spent very little time talking about my art, or even thinking about it for that matter, but rather workshop facilitation and public speaking.
Weird!
And not what I thought would happen or where my focus would be.
As part of the program all the artists were interviewed on a panel and following my session several different people approached me and said they enjoyed listening to me talk. We were all a nice and supportive group so I didn't think too much of it, we all complimented each other a lot. People were just being nice surely.
But it kept happening.
Again and again and again.
Over the next few days one by one, many different people said they liked listening to me speak, that I held their attention and it made them curious and engaged.
I didn't quite know how to receive this. What did it mean I thought. With every new person who approached me to say this I started to wonder, is this something I need to pay attention to?
God has this way of getting my attention, he repeats things. Not because he is not clear, it's always because I never receive anything first time and I can be fairly oblivious to/ avoidant of things a lot of the time. So all the big decisions or developments in my life have been a result of the Holy Spirit whispering something to me over and over, often increasing to a shout before I [finally] get the message.
Now the reason this 'good at speaking thing' felt so significant is because it's not the first time people have approached me specifically to tell me this. It's happened a couple of times every year for the past few years. It seems as if the frequency and the volume of this message is increasing, and in my life that's usually a sign that God is about to do something.
The more I've gotten to know God [there's still a lot to learn for sure], the more I'm reminded that just because he's bringing something into my awareness, doesn't mean it's going to materialise in a way I can predict or expect. I've come to accept that the placing of a concept or idea in my atmosphere is where he begins to associate me with it, to tolerate it and perhaps be open to see how he wants to use it.
Then he usually takes me on a pretty wild journey with it in a direction I never saw coming!
Like many of us change is a challenge for me, so I am grateful to the incredible kindness and grace of God as he gently invites new things into my life in a way that I can adapt and envelop them.
He speaks to us in our own individual, specific language, what an incredibly graceful and majestic thing to do.
Getting back to Miami, alongside this whisper about public speaking I also felt an invitation to dream big dreams again. As the year is drawing to a close I've noticed a significant increase in my fatigue levels. That activities have been tiring me at a much higher rate and I at times I have been drifting back into patterns of overworking, followed by crashes.
This cycle has been nowhere near as bad at it used to be in my early 20's, but still if I'm not careful it could go that way.
I've been clinging [in recent weeks especially] to very high standards for myself, setting myself up for failure pretty regularly. When I get like this I often limit broad and bold dreaming and try to excel at the things I know inside out and can do in my sleep. I think it's the higher [perceived] rate of success I think I'll have when I'm craving achievement or perfection.
Usually before a call to expand, my reflex is to reduce. To excel in my comfort zone. The fear of failure creeps in.
But whilst away this past week I knew I needed to audaciously dream again. That I was being called to do it. That I need to open my mind to receive in expectation something significant that God is about to drop into my spirit.
Yikes.
Exciting and terrifying all at once.
Perhaps it's something to do with this 'good public speaking thing' or maybe it's not. I also feel a deep sense that I must not try and squeeze all my current thoughts and feelings into a box or formula, that God is inviting me to have an open posture to listen and receive. In his timing he will reveal where we're going.
So I've left Miami with more questions than I went with, but if the past is anything to go by that means that God is about to show up in a big way.
Let's see what happens.
See you next week, Cath x
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