Building from scratch. It's hard and pretty unsexy ~

~ God told me to be an artist, weeks 65 & 66.

Friday 5th April, 2024.

I am tired. Can I get an 'Amen!', or a 'I feel you sister'?

It's so much to exist at the moment. 2024 is well and truly kicking my ass and pretty much everyone else's for that matter it seems.

As I type to you I look this year in it's face and say, 'Excuse you! Please be done!'

When feeling weighed down by the weight of the world it can feel like every inch of creativity is squished out of you. These days I feel like I'm some sort of custard tart and 2024 just sat on me. Mess everywhere, not salvageable.

Being an entrepreneur, or anyone who is building something from scratch in a time of extended fatigue, woe or pressure, is especially hard.

Creating requires, you guessed it, creativity. And what does creativity require, energy.

When energy feels sparse, the thought of innovating feels impossible, for me at least.

The small amount of life I have left in me feels as if it must be spent in the personal and survival areas of life, in maintaining what already is, not grafting to erect something new.

That's the way I've felt for the entirety of this year. I know I'm a bit of a dog with bone about my dislike for 2024, and the challenges of being a creative entrepreneur right now, but the truth is I think we really need to talk about this and find ways to support each other through seasons that are just plain rough and/or relentless.

So, I'm tired and some of the things outside of work are draining all my energy and focus, what do I do?

I've asked myself this question a lot recently. What can I actually do to keep this train moving?

I've done a lot of thinking [and feeling - what's new] this week, and after flinging myself in many different directions I find I am back at the same thought process I was 9 blog posts ago.

I need to keep simplifying and seeking considered next steps.

Sounds annoyingly straightforward doesn't it? Anticlimactic as heck right?

Well yeah, sorry dear reader, it is.

It needs to be said again and again because my default has never been to simplify, always to amplify, to make larger, ginormous, grotesquely so sometimes. Even when I'm extremely tired or worn out. Sometimes even especially when I'm wiped which is so counterproductive I can't even!

So I've got to keep going over this concept of simplifying, simplifying, simplifying.

To move into this mentality my brain requires repetition and reflection.

~

Here's a journey through my reflections this week and how they've started to help me move a little slower and more intentionally:

The truth is, in this world of influencers and the self-made, the idea of building new things has been sold as a quick rise to the top with minimal effort - 'anyone can do it in these times'. But building something that lasts that also brings you joy and contributes positively to the world, now that's a whole other kettle of fish!

It's a long process, one where feelings of 'sexy-ness' and excitement evaporate very quickly!

I feel like I started to see this really early on, that being entrepreneurial is a steep incline, that goes on a long time. Also, I remember when I started to realise that my approach to tackling this was all wrong.

In the beginning I was grinding. Not working hard, not being conscientious, but continuously looking to put in 100% every hour, every minute.

Not sustainable.

I was relentlessly pursuing the climb. So much so that I think I missed a lot of things along the way that I've had to revisit and relearn at a later date.

To have one's eyes only fixed on the mountaintop you see that image and some of the road directly in front, but you can miss almost all of what accompanies you to either side.

In other words I started running upwards, grabbing things as I went, carrying all my ideas on my back and forcing them upwards day after day.

I was so desperate to climb. I didn't even consider what I could build at the bottom that could help me climb in a different way later on.

I could've built a metaphorcial trailer, that could be used to carry some of the load I wanted to bring with me with me up the hill?

~

So why is all this in my head? Why am I spouting off at you to move a little slower? Because really, I've lived in a fairly continuous existential crisis for a long time and I'm ready for something more peaceful, more simple.

Now hear me when I say this, I don't mean I want easy, or boring or 'less than', just more sustainable, more joyful, more considered. To build something that glorifies God and allows me to acknowledge seasons where I'm tired, knowing that the structure that's been built can allow me to take pauses and moments to breathe. Strong and stable foundations.

Yes an overnight success story can seem sexy, but what is the cost of burning that bright so soon? Likely, it'll result in what you build not really lasting or outliving you to bless future generations.

God can of course do anything in the blink of an eye, but the reason things that last with a kingdom perspective take longer to build is because God needs to develop us along the way.

We need time to become, then God knows when to bring things over the line.

So in this modern world of 'more and more' and 'faster = better' is it fun and/or sexy to build something gradually over time, stewarding mostly in the shadows until God shows you how to use it? Not really. But will it have greater significance in the eternal perspective of time? Absolutely.

So sign me up for a simpler, slower, more purposeful future and Lord, I'm gonna need you every day so I don't start trying to run up that hill again.

Jesus, please help me to take breaks when I need them, you know as we do that life can be hard.

We got this guys, let's move slower, simpler and more considered into all God has called us to do. Maybe simpler is the new sexy?

See you next week, Cath x