~ God told me be an artist, week 21.
Friday 28th April, 2023.
I'm back from holiday! It was such a wholesome time. I couldn't believe how much it exceeded my expectations! My friends and I went to Nerja in Spain, a small coastal town with gorgeous food, dreamy beaches and friendly locals. I didn't do much research before we went, all I knew is that I wanted to see the caves, Cueva de Nerja. I wanted to stand in the caves, with my headphones on and experience the majesty of it. I knew it would help me feel peaceful, it's been a few weeks of sparse calm.
I've always been obsessed with atmospheric spaces. I spend time carefully crafting the rooms in my house so they feel welcoming and comfortable. Installation is part of my art practice, so making spaces for people to get lost in for a moment is super important to me. I also love love love being in galleries and museums, any space really that's opulent, strange, historic or out of the ordinary is my sweet spot.
I feel my curiosity ignite when I'm in inspiring spaces. I can spend hours wandering around, finding new things to marvel at, letting the atmosphere wash over me, oof I love it. Art that feels like it's wrapped around you is my favourite, and the caves of Nerja were just that, a natural art installation that took my breath away.
As I walked into the caves with my friends I expected to see something beautiful, but as the space unfolded I was blown away. It was stunning, but more than that I felt every emotion in a wave of disbelief as it got more beautiful with every step. I felt so small in this enormous underground world, part of something bigger than myself and so grateful that I was able to witness such a majestic place.
I mean just look at this picture to the right. Cast your eyes to the bottom left hand corner, you can see a person holding their phone, that's how enormous this place is, and this is only one section of it.
I listend to a choir sing Ubi Caritas through my headphones as I walked around. The combination of the caves and the powerful voices bellowing in my ear moved me so enormously. I felt the presence of God consume me as I marvelled at his creation.
I couldn't believe how intricate and phenomenal his craftsmanship was and how much of a gift it is to live in a world that he created with such care.
Consumed by my feelings of awe I pulled out my phone and began scribbling things down. Ideas flooded out of me, they poured from my mind, through my fingers and into my notes. I knew God was speaking to me in this moment, I knew his spirit was with me and that we were connected on a creative plane. It was something else. Dreaming of art ideas and potential creations in partnership with God is something else, I've never been able to imagine this enormously before, it's so wild!
I believe deeply that God's creation was made to be functional and work together in a unique and intricate way, but also that the design can bring us to our knees in awe of such perfection and magnificence. That its mechanisms and innovation would in turn inspire us to be audacious in our dreaming and creating. That as we gaze upon it, it could only be seen as the work of the divine. From small pebbles on a beach to huge underground caves, each piece has a beauty and a purpose given to it by it's creator. This is also true of us, wherever we place or see ourselves, God's hand formed us and placed in this time in history for a specific purpose.
Just like the caves, there are layers and wonder built into each of us. When you think about it that's pretty phenomenal. There's so much to be uncovered if we'd only be open to exploring it. As I was walking through the caves of Nerja all I could think of was how much was left uncovered in me. How much potential, ideas, dreams and most importantly how these all fit into God's purpose and design for my life. I thought a lot about how paralysed I can feel at times with the weight and uncertainty of this creative calling.
Now, if you've been with me through this blog you know I've been on quite a journey and honestly, I still don't know where I'm going but I'm learning to find the beauty in that and taking a moment to pause or sleep when it all begins to feel too much. Purpose and a creative calling is a lot, but standing in the caves of Nerja I felt a powerful surge of I am with you, one that I'm holding onto very tightly as I continue to step out into the unknown with my creator.
It's a common theme in my thinking and my writing of late, I'm not supposed to be doing this in my own strength, why am I so determined to try and accomplish things without God, he wants to help me, he made me to be a co-labourer with him, not to keep running ahead and tripping up. It's a lesson I'm having to learn and re-learn of late.
Try it again in God's strength.
Try it again in God's strength.
Getting back to the caves, in case I haven't gone on about them enough! I didn't know what the english translation of the song I was listening to in my headphones was until today...
...Where charity and love are, God is there.
Love of Christ has gathered us into one.
Let us rejoice in Him and be glad.
Let us fear, and let us love the living God.
And from a sincere heart let us love one.
Where charity and love are, God is there.
At the same time, therefore, are gathered into one:
Lest we be divided in mind, let us beware.
Let evil impulses stop, let controversy cease.
And in the midst of us be Christ our God.
Where charity and love are, God is there.
At the same time we see that with the saints also,
Thy face in glory, O Christ our God:
The joy that is immense and good, Unto the
World without end. Amen.
How beautiful is that? I love the idea that these words were echoing in my ear in latin verse. There's something so invitational about the words, And in the midst of us be Christ our God. He was definitely amidst these underground caverns in Spain, he is definitely with me now as I continue to explore and uncover what he placed within me.
This week since returning from holiday has been a little rough I'll be honest. An immense sense of what now has filled me. The caves and the time away with friends was so precious and empowering but the enormity of how to move forward has been almost too much to bear. It hasn't helped that I've been rejected from 3 residency applications this week too. There was one especially I really wanted, so I was disappointed indeed.
I've felt myself putting space in between myself and God, as if he is to blame. But as I'm writing this blog post, listening to Ubi Caritas and looking through pictures of the caves I am reminded of the one thing I do know about this season, that I am supposed to make art that honours the original creator God and progress the use of visual arts in the body of Christ.
Now I don't know a lot of the particulars of how this equates to a job or how I'm going to live, or why I keep getting rejected from paid opportunities, but perhaps that's the point? The point I feel God has been trying to teach me over and over again in recent years, that if I follow his voice and obey his commands he will provide for all my needs. My vicar says the phrase, the obedience is our job, the outcome is God's, and perhaps I need to remind myself of that a little more often.
I'm still uncomfortable but perhaps this is where the real magic happens.
Thank you God for this season, sorry devil you're not taking me out yet, or ever!
Go and visit the Cueva de Nerja if you can, you won't regret it.
See you next week, Cath x
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