~ God told me to be an artist, week 58.
Friday 9th February 2024.
Thank you for allowing me my week off last week - things were a bit hectic! All good things mind you, but just quite a lot in a row. Needed to keep my head focused in one direction.
So here we are in February, a new month, although it already feels like its evaporating before my eyes. Everything goes so quickly doesn't it.
The end of January saw an uptake in work contracts and some fantastic moments of clarity about what to pursue which has been so so wonderful. I never get the full picture of where God is taking me, it would be far too much for my brain and heart to carry I'm sure, but I did receive some moments of peace surrounding certain things. I'm grateful for these nuggets of hope because they refill my energy tank and remind me of who is leading the way, or rather who has already made the way.
You may have have read my blog post a few weeks ago called "Simplification not multiplication". If not it may be worth reading it before continuing.
Following on from my thoughts in that post I've been doing a lot of thinking about what it means to continue growing whilst I intentionally simplify areas of my life. Sounds [and feels] like an oxymoron doesn't it? Growth for me has always been so synonymous with things getting bigger, which I then associate with 'more achievement'. It's that darn perfectionist past in me. So it's been hard for me to learn that growth, development and building can look different in certain seasons of life.
I used to have such a binary perception and understanding about growth. It was always about chasing, running, achieving, moving things forward. Always with speed. Basically, forward good, backwards bad. I also considered being still the same as bad because it wasn't moving forward. Still for me always meant stuck, which felt very unappealing to me.
So this pull to simplification has been incredibly contradictory to everything I have known, but the connection to it has been so strong I've had to pursue it. It's been so revealing, I know it's God. I've noticed a call to the smaller or seemingly insignificant details of life and had gut feelings to pay attention to the things that appear to sit in the background.
I feel these past few weeks have brought some wonderful A HA moments where I saw growth and change in a new light. Also they were presented to me in my thoughts in a way I actually felt able to absorb and accept, so yay.
This reflection period has been surprising, and exceedingly comforting, so I thought I'd share a few things:
Sometimes being wholly focused on the bigger picture diminishes your ability to attend to, enjoy and learn from the smaller detail.
There is gold to be uncovered in that smaller detail.
Growth is not always about charging ahead. It's just not.
Work is not the only measurement of a life or area that requires growth.
If you really asked yourself what you were striving for, honestly, what would it be?
The activities of life shouldn't be stacked back to back, there MUST be time for nothingness.
The ability to think, pause and wait on the Lord is the biggest flex - it leads to an internal growth no amount of striving ever will.
If your health is bad it will limit your ability to carry out your purpose.
You get the idea, there's a whole host of expansion and development we need to do sideways as well as the movement that projects us forward. For me, I've actually found there's been immense value in taking a couple of steps backwards and starting some things again. I didn't feel as if God was calling me to mourn or obsess about the past, but I did feel called to look at the pattern of a few things throughout my lifespan and to base decisions on how to move forward by taking a really honest inventory of it all.
But the biggest thing I felt God draw my attention to again was the story of Gideon in the bible [Judges 6-8]. In short, God asked Gideon to reduce his army in the face or insurmountable opposition, only then would he be victorious. Every time God draws me to this story I feel the phrase 'be like Gideon' echo in my head. I feel called to listen to God as he asks me to reduce, that there is method to what seems like his madness.
He needs me to depend on him. He wants to show me his faithfulness. He wants to reveal things to me.
And perhaps even more importantly He wants to show me his plan, it turns out it's way better than mine ever was. His plan has an eternal perspective, it's much bigger than me.
Turns out there's a awful lot of growth that can happen in a season of simplification. For me it's been a process of noticing the unbelievable amount of noise I've allowed into my life a brain and finding ways to see the reasoning behind it and then reduce it methodically.
Simply put, I seem to be moving much more successfully with a reduced speed and less noise swallowing my days. Turns out running constantly doesn't get you anywhere fast. It's just too loud.
The biggest call within this season has been about my health and for years I didn't think that really mattered at all. I wasn't experiencing any significant health issues, my weight didn't upset me all that much, therefore no problem right? That's not true in reality, and as I've finally made some space for God to talk he's reminded me again, in a million ways, that without my health I won't get very far with any of life, work included. This is the area I've had to do some super honest reflecting on and taken those steps backwards to start again.
Sounds painful, but I'm healthier than I've ever been. I'm even enjoying the process which is the biggest surprise of all! It's not forced, it's growth that's strengthening slowly. It's amazing.
Don't devalue simplifying your life or moving a little [or a lot] slower, it may just clear the air enough for the most important things to come into focus.
Again for the people in the back...
...the ability to think, pause and wait on the Lord is the biggest flex - it leads to an internal growth no amount of striving ever will.
...if your health is bad it will limit your ability to carry out your purpose.
See you next week, Cath x
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